Of Dreams and Perpetual Misery

by Apathy (Colorado)

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1.	Painful Realms 04:03	lyrics	buy track
Loneliness is upon me Approaching depression, I cry Go Ignoring my own wish for support Enjoying the misery Remembering the days of old When she was with me Oh, she was with me When the flame was extinguished, so was I No wish to live since then, I died inside Pounding out aggression on myself Self-torment In my own reality Away from the rejection Suicide was my way out and I feel so cold I never knew it could feel so good when I'm all alone It's getting dark as I take my life in this blissful way I dry my tears, close my eyes, and realize that today was a good day Of a life once mine Remembrance of innocence lost Remembrance of lust at dawn Repugnance I fucking hate this Relying on my integrity I have none Relying on my integrity I have none Dying, I dream of the love, for which I strived With every tear, a salute to my worthless life Digesting the rancid taste of love denied Losing all my hope I cried for the last time I turn it into rage A broken man's masquerade Dealing with all the pain I died on that day
2.	Encountering Delusions 04:34	lyrics	buy track
I'd love to dine upon thine eyes Encountering delusions, I cry Subconsciously wanting someone to end my life Crying out to an uncaring world and I'm failing miserably Dying Dreaming Sleeping Inside my head Dying Dreaming Sleeping Inside my head Inside my head All that's left, our memories of what once was and the thoughts of what could've been All that's left are memories of what once was and the thoughts of what could've been Encountering delusions To OD is my ecstasy I feel the touch of death Dealing with my misery I'm gasping for a breath I wallow in depression Oh, how my wrists have bled Not coping with reality To die's my life's request Have I lost all trust? Have I forgiven? No Have I forgotten? No Will I ever? Dying Dreaming Sleeping Inside my head Dying Dreaming Sleeping Inside my head Inside my head No I'd love to dine upon thine eyes Encountering delusions, I cry Subconsciously wanting someone to end my life To OD is my ecstasy I feel the touch of death Drowning in my misery I'm gasping for a breath I wallow in depression Oh, how my wrists have bled Not coping with reality To die's my life's request Encountering delusions
3.	As Reality Fades 03:35	lyrics	buy track
How much will you bleed for me? Pledge your soul, eternally The obsession burns in me From your sweet ecstasy As reality, it fades away So does it, the unbearable pain Lost is the hurt and sorrow A state of serenity's gained Clouding thoughts of tomorrow as reality, it fades away No How much will you bleed for me? Pledge your soul, eternally The obsession burns in me From your sweet ecstasy I'm drowned in sorrow I'm drowned in sorrow Oh, no Oh, no How much will you bleed for me? Pledge your soul, eternally The obsession burns in me From your sweet ecstasy Yeah Yeah No Oh, no As reality, it fades away As reality, it fades away Yeah It fades away Yeah
4.	State of Aggression 03:52	lyrics	buy track
Organized religion let me down Jesus and God are full of shit Turned against all that preach I'm lashing out, with a clenched fist The dawn of the solstice The darkness of nothing Pleasure in beating down the pure Motivated by nothing more than that fucking, blessed whore I'm reveling in Christ's demise Salvation? The dawn of the solstice The darkness of nothing The darkness of nothing I stopped kidding myself years ago Christianity's a joke Denouncing that Jew and all hope I wish to see your God dethroned Outcast by society I dream of that day When the earth's occupied by my Lord, the fallen angel A state of aggression Laughing at the feeble-minded I'm pissing on the cross Arms outstretched in mockery The Nazarene's downfall's my lust Downfall's my lust I am sworn to the oath Infatuated with believers' suffering Retribution for my sins The only pleasure I get It's the only pleasure I get
5.	Darkened Dimensions 03:42	lyrics	buy track
I try to hide my feelings inside Away from reality There's a place I like to hide Away from everything A place to myself Take me away from here Inside I'm safe A dark place to hide A place to myself When I'm inside I try to ease my pain To escape reality Won't ever die again I try to hide my feelings inside Away from reality There's a place I like to hide Away from everything A place to myself Take me away from here Inside I'm safe A dark place to hide A place to myself When I'm inside I try to ease my pain To escape reality Won't ever die again when I'm inside I didn't mean to cause you pain I'm sorry But, it's hard to deal with my own pain Oh God, how I've tried Fuck When I'm inside I'm inside Intoxicate reality Leave this earth My heart is bleeding as it is breaking I have shed many tears Won't someone please help me? I'm trying to be happy To be at one with myself It is all up to me It is what I make of it Inside I'm safe A dark place to hide A place to myself When I'm inside I try to ease my pain To escape reality Won't ever die again When I'm inside No
6.	Decline of Sanity 04:45	lyrics	buy track
And now I close my eyes All my dreams are liquefied And now I close my eyes All my dreams are liquefied If you could see inside of me Or see the things I see You'd have to wonder why Acid tears are what I cry And now the shit comes down You'll never keep me down You'll never keep us down Then some fiend tries to get high Loves it much, but he don't know why What these fools must realize is that their shit will end in their demise Gotta get me some of that love Inside I see unheard of Capsized I speak unheard of Inside I know unheard of Capsized I'll die with no love Inside Capsized No lies I try All my dreams are liquefied If you could see inside of me Or see the things I see You'd have to wonder why Acid tears are what I cry Fuck yeah
7.	Canon in Weed 01:56	lyrics	buy track
Rodney: "Ha, ha. Alright, man. Let's do it, man." Joe: "...Let's hear Canon in Weed." Joe: "Yeah-ah, beeyatch." Rodney: "Hmhmhm, that's some funny shit." Brian: "Cough" Elan: "Cough. That's some good shit." Joe: "Yeah-uh. Brian: "Cough" Joe: "Would you like a glass of water?" Rodney: "Hmhmhm, that's some funny shit." Joe: "That one sounded good." Brian: "Oh, my dear lord."

about

Ripped directly from the studio Master.
100 cassette copies were manufactured and released in 1997.

Line-up:
Brian Ortiz Jr. - Vocals, Additional Guitars on Painful Realms
Rodney Wess - Guitars
Joe McKinney - Bass
Elan Schwartz - Drums

credits

released August 20, 1996

Recorded, engineered, and mastered by Apathy and Steve Sexaum at Creative American Audio, Denver, CO. August, 1996
Produced and mixed by Apathy
All music written, arranged, and performed by Apathy except 2, 4, & 5, written and arranged by Apathy and Frankie Mallon. 7 composed by Pachelbel
All lyrics by Brian Ortiz Jr.
Logo and Artwork by Brian Ortiz Jr.
Copyright 1996